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Han Solo's Livejournal
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2007.02.18 14.31
Like a Pkunk Fury. Or Sinistar.
I'm delighted to report that my status has been upgraded to "alive."
Nothing in particular to report. I'm back in school, studying medicine. My new apartment will probably not cause me to die. In ELLJAY news, I have a new computer with a camera - I thought I might try videoblogging. The only things holding me back are not having the time, not having anything to say, and strongly, actively disliking videobloggers.
... how are you?
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2006.07.07 14.00
Is it OK to admit that Angela Lansbury was ridiculously hot once? Is that... is it OK?
An incomplete list of episodes of Murder, She Wrote:
Game, Set, Murder
Sing a Song of Murder
Murder Takes the Bus
The Murder of Sherlock Holmes Part 1
We're Off to Kill the Wizard
No Laughing Murder
Murder a la Mode
Murder in F Sharp
Hooray for Homicide
Murder at the Oasis
Murder By Appointment Only
One Good Bid Deserves a Murder
Menace, Anyone?
The Bottom Line Is Murder
Simon Says, Color Me Dead
Murder to a Jazz Beat
Paint Me a Murder
Footnote to Murder
The Corpse Flew First Class
School for Murder
Murder of the Month Club
Murder in High-C
A Very Good Year... for Murder
Doom With a View
Coal Miner's Slaughter
Prediction: Murder
Alma Murder
Programmed for Murder
An Egg to Die For
The Sound of Murder
Murder at a Discount
The Murder of Sherlock Holmes Part 2
The Murder Channel
No Accounting for Murder
The Scent of Murder
Who Threw the Barbitals in Mrs. Fletcher's Chowder?
Mood: i have a bad murder about this
Music: Bonnie Prince Billy and Tortoise - Thunder Road
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2006.06.25 16.54
Man.
Mavis Beacon was a fictional character.
Mavis Beacon was a fictional character you guys. Not a real person. They made her up.
I feel so betrayed. I mean, fuck. FUCK, you guys.
Now who am I going to marry?
Mood: so betrayed
Music: Gnarls Barkley - Just A Thought
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2006.04.18 21.44
This, I gather, is how blogs are supposed to look. All underliney.
Johnny Cash implores Big Bird, "Don't Take Your Ones To Town." R.E.M. explore the spectrum of muppet emotion with Furry Happy Monsters. All the way back in 1972, Stevie Wonder offers the superlatively funky 1-2-3. The Pointer Sisters teach an entire generation about surreal terror with the classic Pinball Number Count. Ray Charles sings The Alphabet Song, with an inexplicable assist from Patrick Stewart, David Robinson and Lambchop. And, of course, who could forget the time The Beetles came to Sesame Street?
Mood: crosspostish
Music: Guided By Voices - I Am A Scientist
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2006.03.18 23.15
Never comprehending a race that's long gone by
My neighbour has now played I Melt With You by Modern English seven consecutive times and My Sacrifice by Creed one time and I Melt With You by Modern English one time.
Mood: yeah, i'm going to bed now.
Music: Modern English - I Melt With You
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2006.03.18 23.08
I made a pilgrimage to save this human's race
My neighbour has now played I Melt With You by Modern English seven consecutive times.
Mood: i have a bad feeling about this
Music: Modern English - I Melt With You
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2006.03.18 23.04
Trapped in the state of imaginary grace
My neighbour has now played I Melt With You by Modern English six consecutive times.
Mood: i have a bad feeling about this
Music: Well, Modern English - I Melt With You, now.
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2006.03.18 23.01
Dream of better lives, the kind which never hate
My neighbour has now played I Melt With You by Modern English five consecutive times.
Mood: i have a bad feeling about this
Music: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - In This Home On Ice
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2006.03.05 03.29
Exhibit A
I'm camera-capable after all.
Sadly, no lens can capture the lingering taste of his musk.
Mood: can i go back to mp3s and being han solo now?
Music: Jumpers - You'll Know Better (When I'm Gone)
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2006.03.05 02.41
When love first came to Earth, the Spring spread rose-beds to receive him
So, OK, I wake up and can not get back to sleep. My apartment is always sort of musty, so I decide to go for a walk around the block, get some fresh air before heading back to bed.
I've gotten four fifths of the way around said block when a car pulls up beside me and rolls down the window. A friendly looking man, 40ish and extremely swarthy, waves me over. My neighbourhood is not the best, but man, I am eight feet tall and a million pounds, I am not really concerned even at 2:30 in the morning.
"Would you like a rose," he asks. He has so many, he says, he can't sell them before they go bad. "Give one to your girl."
Well he is being nice and I have a good eye for drunkenness and he is not drunk. And also, yeah, I would like a rose. Why would I not want a rose? The accurate answer to his question was 'yes, my name is Simon Wright and I am a man who would totally like a rose.'
So he gets out of his car and hands me two, a rather nice white and a not yet bloomed burgundy. I thank him profusely and he offers me a hug. Which, I mean, hey, some people are touchy feely. It is not the first time I have given a stranger a hug and will not be the last time.
I wasn't, however, expecting him to pull me in tightly, kiss me full on the lips and grab my ass.
I swear to god.
After commenting that I have a nice ass, he asks me if I want to get into his car. I politely decline, and thank him once again for the rose. He gets back into his car with a touch of sadness.
Here's my favorite part. He drives off to the end of the block... and then suddenly hits reverse, slowly rolling back down the road toward me. "You want I suck your cock?" he asks, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. Again, I turn him down gently. My name is Simon Wright and I am a man who does not want him to suck my cock. Disappointed, he drives off into the night, leaving me alone with my ill-gotten roses.
So, yeah.
Mood: i wish my had batteries in my digital camera so i could document some of this
Music: Greg MacPherson - Bankrobber
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2006.02.25 14.44
Actually, all you need is cash, but let's not nitpick.
I just discovered that my Winamp skin keeps a complete log of every single song I've listened to ever. Or at least since my hard drive went crazy and fell asleep a year ago.
My most listened to song is, to my mild surprise, All You Need Is Love, by The Beatles. It's far from my favorite Beatles song, let alone favorite all-around, but there it is at #1. I sort of feel like I need to pay tribute to what has apparently been the soundtrack to my year.
Although, like I said, it's not really that amazing a song, despite how famous it is. I'm surprised I've listened to it so often, and I have no real strong emotions or memories attached to it. The only thing that really comes to mind about the song is its cameo in Earthbound.
It's a little known fact, even among the few people who might actually care, that the song was used in one of the weirder and cooler bits of a video game composed almost entirely of weird and cool bits. The old SNES game Earthbound, more or less a 50-hour exercise in making you vaguely uncomfortable, was wildly creative in the way it used background music. Back when video game music was composed entirely of blips and bloops that dreamed of one day growing up and becoming an oboe, Earthbound's soundtrack was aggressively unmajestic, sample based, and very frequently not even actually music. Even when it did go with more traditionally catchy themes, they were often intentionally out of key and off rhythm, just to drive home the game's dream-like hyper-quirkiness. Here, I have some of it on my computer, listen for yourself.
Anyways, in one of the game's last sections, all you can hear are three loud, mechanical, echoing notes. Just those three notes, blaring over and over again, the pitch changing slightly each time. Beyond them, silence. And what's stranger, is that if you were like me - and I think it's fair to guess that if you had played this big ol' sack of odd for fifty hours now, you probably belonged to a pretty specific subset of humanity - this weird atonal sound would have kept seeming strangely familiar to you. You'd recognize it in that niggling sort of deja vu way, like you saw it once before in a dream.
Of course, what it really was was the first two seconds of All You Need Is Love, mangled and mechanized to fit within an SNES cartridge. Even if we hadn't blossomed into music fans yet, we'd all heard the song a thousand times before. It had been playing on the radio during those endless summer trips to the beach. Our Moms had hummed along with it in the grocery store. A thousand used car salesmen shouted over it as they tried to sell us Yugos.
Even in their willfully mutilated form, those horns were iconic enough for an 11 year old like me to just barely recognize them. Not enough to suspect where they came from. This was years before we even realized that video games could have real sounds in them beyond those grand old orchestral bloops. I only recognized them enough to instinctively know that something was missing. To get that unsettling feeling in my stomach because what I was hearing was just wrong, wasn't the way things were supposed to be. I could explain how nicely this feeling of displacement supports where you are in the game's lovably ridiculous plot, but I think it's sort of beside the point.
All You Need Is Love has reached a point where I just know it. No wonder I've listened to it hundreds of times over the past year without even realizing it - I barely even hear it anymore when it plays. It no longer signifies anything, it's no longer discernible as a discrete piece of art, it's just a familiar sound from my childhood. Even now, listening to that Earthbound clip sort of gives me the jibblies, the way I get uncomfortable looking at a digitally mangled face. I don't even like the damn song that much, but it's so familiar that any alteration feels deeply unnatural.
Also, they used the song in the last episode of the Prisoner, when McGoohan was killing everybody. That was pretty cool too.
Mood: wow, this one just kept on going, huh?
Music: Bell Biv DeVoe - Poison
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2006.02.15 07.06
For breakfast I ate a box of Hamburger Helper. It did not really prepare me for my day.
You know, I bandy around the term "best song ever" an awful lot, but I think it was always implied that I meant "best song ever that does not include an old-school rap breakdown about Archimedes' Constant." It is sort of like how the boxing world declares its champion to be the greatest even though he would be helpless against a well-trained lowland gorilla. It's just the only way to keep things sporting.
I'll admit that my opinion on this song - that is, that it is proof that god exists, loves us, and apparently wrote a song about pi at some point - is somewhat influenced by its spleen-rupturingly glorious music video. All the same, there's no question. This is absolutely the greatest song of all time.
Join us tomorrow, when the greatest song of all time will be the theme to Mock Trial with J. Reinhold.
edit: I have to update this post because I noticed the length of the song and I just got so amazingly happy.
Mood: i have a bad feeling about this
Music: Mock Trial! With J. Reinhold!
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2006.02.11 00.36
What's up, cuties?
Music: This is the only thing that could ever convince me to use instant messenger.
Food: Today I ate uncooked Chef Boyardee because my neighbour was downstairs with some prostitutes, and I'm not totally clear on the proper etiquette in that situation.
Banal Pop Culture Musing: Let's see... ah, OK, you guys know that song that is all "Somebody told me," and then he is all on about boyfriends and girlfriends and also I think heaven? I believe it is by some guy with a haircut. Well, right, every time I hear that song, I expect him to sing "That you were so stupid, but I didn't believe them, but now I believe them."
How's that? Is that OK? Am I still allowed in the ELLJAY club?
Mood: my mood should just always be 'i have a bad feeling about this', shouldn't it?
Music: Digable Planets - Rebirth of Slick
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2006.02.03 21.07
Post Everything You Eat In Your LiveJournal Month Fever! Catch it!
Meme 1: Yesterday I ate a bag of carrots and a couple of slices of bread. I put peanut butter on one of the slices, I think. The others I just ate. Do you see why this is not a meme I should take part in? I am bad at food.
Meme 2: I like John Darnielle, AKA The Mountain Goats, more than I like anyone else. And right now my Mom is reading this and she is all "man, you do not like The Mountain Goats more than you like me." But she is wrong. I like The Mountain Goats more than I like my mother.
Is two memes really enough for a livejournal entry? To shore things up, here is a lovely self-portrait.
Mood: i am sorry mom. but you did not write going to georgia.
Music: Nickel Creek - Spit on a Stranger
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2006.02.02 15.56
It's the most wonderful time of the year.
Happy Groundhog's Day, doggos. Rejoice.
I also feel vaguely obligated to take part in the majestic February tradition that is Post Everything You Eat In Your Livejournal Month, but yesterday I ate six hot dogs for lunch and skipped dinner. You don't want to hear about that. Why would you want to hear about that?
Music? Eh, OK, here's a duet between Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan.
Mood: let's blow this thing and go home
Music: Johnny Cash and Joe Strummer - Redemption Song
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2006.01.31 13.26
I will be known as The Toronto Man Machine
When I become a professional wrestler - oh, it'll happen - this will be my theme music.
Mood: somewhere, a creepy alien guy and a desk chair are moving in beautiful harmony
Music: Beck - Ghettochip Malfunction
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2006.01.23 18.51
While I wait for the polls to close:
This will never stop being funny
I guess I'm supposed to post music too. Fine, this is probably my favorite song of all time. It's a pretty low quality bootleg, but I'm far too busy enjoying Superman's single tear to find something better.
Mood: prepared for the worst
Music: Ted Leo & the Pharmacists - Dancing in the Dark
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2006.01.22 20.06
A Friendly Reminder
No.
Mood: concerned
Music: Dave Deporis - Swan King in the Snow
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2006.01.20 16.48
An incomplete list of places I applied to work today:
- CashMoney - One of those places where you cash a paycheck quickly at a reduced rate, so as to reduce your cockfight downtime. Alternately, if you don't have a paycheck on hand, I understand you can also just shoot the guy at the counter. Anyways, I like this place, both for its reassuring neon sign, and for the fact that it sounds like the forgotten member of G-Unit.
- Discount XXX Videos - The employee discount here would really help cut down my discount pornography expenditures. Plus, it would give me valuable vocational experience in the care and operation of booths in which people masturbate.
- Casa Di Pasta... Perfection! - I do have a lifelong love affair with unnecessary punctuation. Also, casas.
- The Church of Scientology - The application asked me to describe my current tone level. You can't put a price on that kind of comedy. In related news, I'm greatly looking forward to my forthcoming reprogramming. I hope they make me someone nice.
- McDonalds - The Help Wanted sign said it was a marketing position. I... I just applied to be Ronald McDonald, didn't I? That's what just happened. I applied to be Ronald McDonald. There is nothing funny about this turn of events.
Mood: sad
Music: The Books - Tokyo
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laserninja's journal
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